While poor Heather is suffering in preggers-town, I'm gleefully drinking a Bar Harbor Blueberry Ale, thinking of nifty alternatives to Michigan Bob's moniker, should the need for alternatives arise. Here we go.
1. Remington Bronson Shannon: Brings the best of two worlds together, Remington firearms and Charles Bronson.
2. Fuego "Diamond" Shannon: A nod to the Jazz Singer with a latino flair.
3. Angus Blackjack Shannon: With a name like this, he'd probably require an eye patch. One with a Sox logo on it. He can tell people he once killed a Yanks fan just to watch him die. Plus, with the initials "A.B.S.", chicks will subconsciously think of the braking system in vehicles and feel safer with him around.
4. Macky "Guns" Shannon: No comment needed, other than to say if anyone made the mistake of singing "Mack The Knife" to this kid, he could go home, get daddy's gun, use it, and then use daddy's black passport for travel to a non-extradition country. It would just add to the legend of Guns Shannon.
5. Delicious Shannon Ice: Q-Town has been without a bona-fide pimp for too long.
6. Mr. Chips: Let 'em figure THAT one out.
7. Steven Perry Shannon: Ode to a great. (OK, I admit. I might have outdone myself with that one.)
8. Judas "Ratt" Shannon: Might as well get 'em all in there in one name.
And if it's a girl...
1. Cherries "Poppin'" Shannon: Her somewhat less-cool entourage could occasionally evoke her catch-phrase by saying, "Hey, Cherries...what's poppin'?" To which she would casually reply, "chillin' like a villan while I'm illin' with the willin'." The proper response..."word up, sucka."
2. Dopetastic Shannon Rock: Girls can be pimps too...
3. "All Skate" Shannon: She could perpetually get around on roller skates sipping a smoothie of some sort. Guys would chase after her, but she wouldn't know because she'd have her Walkman on listening to some innocent music, grooving in her own innocent way, sipping on an innocent smoothie of some sort. Of course, most guys would dig that, and that's when they may or may not notice Diplomat Security Dad in an non-descript sedan behind them with a high-powered, silenced firearm trained on the center of their back. Yep. They'd all say, "Old man Shannon, he'll shoot your fucking spine out."
No need to thank, Heather. We can hoist up a shot or two when this is all over and toast to Judas' good health.