Tuesday, January 09, 2007

2007: The Year of Revelations...

Even in this early stage of this young, young year, I have already come to terms with some truths in my life. To preclude my becoming boring, I will not list them all right now, lest I become boring and, (eek!) pedestrian in my musings. Here are a couple to whet your whistles.

1. My favorite beer in the whole wide world, Belhaven, is precariously close to losing it's rank. I know, I know. Crazy talk, right? I'm sure you're thinking, "ahah! Now High Life can take it's rightful place at the Zeus slot of the beer pantheon!" Well, I can't rightfully say that just yet, true as it might turn out. No, the dark horse in this whole shebang is Hoegaarden, a wonderful Belgian white. If you haven't had one yet, go ahead. I'll wait. No, even better, I'll buy. I will keep all posted on my intensive research and testing. I hope to have a winner within a month or two.

2. Being married is a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Another shocker, I know. Especially for anyone who has ever known me. But it's true; marriage is not all backrubs and delicious turkey dinners and pudding fights on tarps and sock puppets with dirty names like "Nipples the Curious Sockpuppet" and the like. No, my little monkeys, it's filled with things like cleaning up after yourself! It's about minimizing the wake of destruction you leave after using the bathroom to get ready in the morning! They expect you to shave! You can't go around arbitrarely buying socks and naming them 'Nipples'! Fortunately, I have a great teammate in all of this, and in the end, I outweigh her by roughly 85 pounds, so it would be quick if it went too far.

3. I LOVE horror. Of all kinds. Movies. Books. Folklore. Whatever. I love the macabre (something I share with my sis,) in all its manifestations. If you have a recommendation, lemme know! I'll try to do the same. But... please make it good. I'm not looking for slasher flicks like "Halloween 7" unless you can substantiate why it's good. I'm looking for quality here, people! I promise to deliver the same.

Ok, more revelations later. Now, I would like to take a moment to congratulate the up-coming class of Rock-and-Roll Hall Of Fame inductees...

That's right. The Mighty VH is getting into the RRHOF, and gets to walk down the elegial aisle with Grandmaster Flash himself. The ceremony is March 12th. Any takers to go witness some history? Can't you just picture it? Eddie wailing to the docit tones of "White Lines"? Or GMF bustin' wylde to "Atomic Punk"? Let's roll! (Like my hand-made logos? There are certain trademark rules one must follow.)
In fact, in honor of the occassion, I invite you to take this brief quiz...
For Mike...
Dear Mike, as I understand it, you dare question VH's veracity in entering the RRHOF. Here are some points to think about.
1. Van Halen has, to date, sold more than 75 million albums. This is roughly 40 million more albums than 1999 inductees The Staple Singers.
2. Van Halen has exactly one number-one hit, "Jump." This happens to be the same as 1998 inductee Lloyd Price ("Stagger Lee".) Of course, "Stagger Lee" lasted only four weeks. "Jump"? Five.
3. Van Halen was performing and touring over a span of 27 years (unfortunately, it pains me to concede this includes the most-unfortunate Van Halen III. I also confess I have never heard any of it. I refuse to.) My point? They had a longer active career than 1987 inductee Clyde McPhatter (I will also confess "McPhatter" is a cooler last name than "Van Halen", at least, until you're older than 24.)
4. According to VH1's 100 Greatest Artists of Rock and Roll, Van Halen ranks #48. And, while they don't top artists like Led Zepplin (#4), U2 (#29), and Prince (#18), they do best Frank Zappa (#64), Johnny Cash (#89), and Stevie Ray Vaughn (#70). Now, I know what you're saying..."that's can't be right. Those statistics are rigged!" Fair enough. Conveniently, VH1 also solicited public opinion and found Van Halen at #31 (even better!), still ahead of Zappa (#58), Cash (#87), and SRV (#70.) In fact, vox populi ranked VH ahead of Miles Davis (#73), Janis Joplin (#35), and The Police (#34)! Suck it!
5. Number 2, baby. 'Nuff said. Thank you, KISW. Thank you.
Ball's in your court, my friend. Bring it.

1 comment:

La Whisky said...

Although the Foxxe has dissed it, I still maintain that 28 Days Later (British zombie flick) is mad scary. Will watch it with you if you want. I can't watch it by myself. Well, I can but it takes three days to get through the entire movie as I have to keep turning it off to try and get my heart to stop racing.