(this story is true. only the names have been changed, except for the nun.)
Nipples the Curious Sockpuppet and his wife, Mrs. Curious Sockpuppet, went to a church function on Saturday night, largely (ok, only) because Nipples' wife is significantly religious, and has quite a little community of folks there to say hi too. So, Nipples went (besides, the choir sang at their wedding, and he was grateful.)
Anyway, the event was an annual dinner and raffle to benefit the church. So, Nipples, with his last two dollars, bought two raffle tickets and sat down to dinner. At the table were several people Nipples didn't really know, including a nun, Sr. Anne, who drank lots. In fact, Sr. Anne was kind enough to swipe bottles of wine off other tables in the room, much to the glee of Nipples!
After dinner, everyone made their way into the main hall for the raffle. Well, I'll be darned if Nipples didn't see Sr. Anne drop five or so of her tickets (she had bought many more; a strand had fallen.) Being the good sir he is, Nipples scooped up the tickets and pursued the weaving, staggering nun. "Sister Anne!" he cried, "Sister Anne!" Finally, Nipples caught up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned.
"Sister Anne, you dropped your tickets."
"Aaaah, thank you. You are an honest gentleman."
"Are you shitting me? You're a nun, and we're in a church."
(after thinking for a minute)
"You're right, you'd go to hell. Need a drink?"
Oh, Nipples. Will you ever win?