Gentlemen, start your engines.
Note: I am NOT inferring I wrote all of these. I wrote SOME of these. Once again, I did NOT claim to have written all of these, just SOME of these. So, yes I know, some you will have seen before.
LADIES: please do NOT read this, as I might try these on you someday. If you DO read this, feel free to ask me to recite some to you. It'll be fun. You'll already know the line, and you can be subject to my irresisable charms and almost frightening eye contact.
Here we go!
43 pick up lines authored or okayed by me personally
1. (Go up to a girl and say) Fat penguin. (What?) Oh, I just needed something to break the ice.
2. My magical watch says you aren’t wearing panties. Oh, you are? Hmmm. It must be an hour fast.
3. I’m not actually this tall.
4. Can I take your picture to show Santa what I want for Christmas?
5. The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.
6. Would you help me find my puppy? I think he went into that cheap motel room.
7. You look like my first wife. (How many times have you been married?) Never.
8. Excuse me Miss, but you owe me a drink. (Why?) I dropped mine when I looked at you.
9. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
10. Do you mind if I flirt with you?
11. But, I’m a doctor!
12. I’m an organ donor. Need anything?
13. That’s a nice little nothing you’re almost wearing.
14. (Approach a girl, and open your mouth as if to speak. Then close it. Open it again and wait. Eventually, she will comment) I can’t think of a single line, but I just wanted to talk to you.
15. (Walk up to a girl, look into her eyes, look around the room, and return to her eyes) How do you do that? (What?) How do you make the room spin like that?
16. Am I making an ass of myself? (Yes.) Can it be your ass? WOOHAH!
17. If you were a dinosaur, you’d be a hottieasaurus.
18. I believe I speak for most men when I say, “hello.”
19. My doctor scheduled me for an MRI. He thinks I have a magnetic personality.
20. Are you Jamaican? (Why?) Cause you is Jamaican me kah-razy!
21. You know what winks and screws like a tiger?
22. Do I look like the kind of guy that would like to get to know you better?
23. I need to take your temperature. (Why?) Because you are looking mighty hot.
24. Black and white. Peanut butter and jelly. Me and you.
25. The missing teeth just leave more room for your tongue.
26. I have an imaginary cat.
27. Let’s see, I’ve got the F, the C, and the K. All I’m missing is U.
28. That’s a beautiful shirt. Can I talk you out of it?
29. Hey, it’s not my fault I fell in love; it was you who tripped me.
30. If I asked you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
31. What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
32. If I had a nickel for every gorgeous woman like you I see, I’d have a nickel.
33. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
34. I don’t know if you are beautiful or not yet; I haven’t gotten past your eyes.
35. Do you know how much polar bears weigh? Just enough to break the ice.
36. You bring new meaning to the word “edible.”
37. Would you meet me on the pier at midnight? I’d like to see what is more beautiful, you or the moonlight.
38. If you were the last woman on earth, and I was the last man on earth, we could do it in public.
39. You’re my compass; I’m lost without you.
40. I’m an author, and I’m currently writing a phone book. Can I have your number?
41. (Approach a girl standing alone) If he doesn’t show up, I’ll be right over here.
42. Why do you think they call it a “pick-up” truck?
43. I’m a magical being. Take off your bra.
44. You’d look hot in a Raggedy Ann wig.
45. Falling for you would be a very short trip.
46. Do you know why the sky is so gray? All the blue is in your eyes.
47. I’m going back to my place to make out. Care to join me?
48. (Ask a woman) “If you could have a year of perfect bliss, but have no memory of it, would you take it?” (If she says yes, lean in and whisper in her ear) “Well, you’ve already had it. You were wonderful.”
49. All you have to do is breathe, I’ll take care of the rest.
50. Stand back! I’m a doctor. (point to someone) You, call an ambulance. I’ll loosen her clothes.
51. Do you know why you should masturbate with these two fingers? (hold up any two) Because they’re mine!
52. What was that? (What?) That sound. (What sound?) The sound of my heart breaking.
53. Uh oh. My parents met in a place like this. Let’s get the hell out of here.
54. If we cut your arms off, you look just like Venus di Milo.
Ok, I gave you 54. What can I say? I'm a nice guy (Eddie.)