Thursday, July 29, 2004

Painful Discovery.

I don't know how it happened, but it did.

It's tough to be a superhero when all who know you are constantly suspicious, and therefore nosy. It worse than papparazzi, because you know they only do it because they care.

Well, I've been found out. So, I might as well come clean.

By day, you all know me as mild-mannered, sober, Adam.

But, by night, I'm....

Der Mann Der Den Kindern Fische und Freude überall Gibt.
Yep, that's right. Loosely translated, it means

The Man Who Gives Fish and Joy To Children Everywhere.
Man, I was trying to keep it a secret. But I got cocky, and got caught. How, you ask? Well, I posed for a photo whilst distributing said fish and joy. I was in Tiannamen Square a few nights ago (well, night to us, day to them.) A tourist said,

"嘿! 那不是帶來魚和喜悅給孩子到處的人?"
(Hey, isn't that the Man Who Brings Fish and Joy to Children Everywhere?)

To which I replied (naturally),

"當然我是, 您傻的短的人! 這裡! 有一條魚和一些喜悅為您的孩子!"
(Of course it is, you silly, short person! Here! Have some fish and joy for your children!)
They took the fish and joy gladly. Then then mother (I assume she was the mother) said,

"但我們怎麼可以曾經感謝您魚? 它是顯然的一個人如您太重要以至於不能完成魚和喜悅工作為自由!
(But how can we ever thank you for the fish? It is obvious a man like you is too important to do fish and joy work for free!)
So I said,

"所有我問是您敬佩我的  從一個中等距離和給我的汽車超級幸運的亮光, 百分之一百!!!
(All I ask is you admire my genetalia from a medium distance and give my car a super-lucky shine, 100%!!!)
Ah, we all laughed. Then she snuck out a camera! The 母狗 took my picture! Well, I managed to take most of the fish back, but the joy was lost. I mean, you can't really take back joy cleanly, can you? And, wouldn't you know, the next day my friggin' picture was on the web.

So, I give up. I'm sorry, children of the world, Der Mann has to hang 'em up for a while.

Der Mann at Werk
(The incriminating photo.)

Sigh. That's what you get for trying to do the right thing.


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